Thank you so much, God, for chow chow. I am so grateful that she’s still by my side. She’s a motherly figure to me, yet she’s my baby. Her kindness overflows and she’s so gentle. She was such a mother to pipi. Best friends in the most adorable way. I pray for her recovery, God. I can’t believe I wasted so much time away from her this holiday. I’m such a idiot. I pray for chowchow to be well and healthy. I pray that the mucous and blood from her urine will not happen again. I pray that she does not suffer. I pray that she can stay by my side for many more months. I am so content and happy and thankful, it’s amazing. I’ve been taught so much and I’m so grateful. Just seeing her with a healthy appetite makes me smile so brightly with hope and bliss. I really hope that I’ll be treasuring her well for the rest of the time we have together. Please bless my chow chow and protect her from harm, God. I put my faith, trust and hopes with you. I believe in you. I also promise not to take chow for granted ever again. Thank you so much, God, I <3 you!

Going on this trip, I knew it would be quite a journey. I had heard so much about it, ever since I was a kid. My cousins went through it, my sister went through it and my seniors went through it. I was nervous and afraid due to their mixed after-feelings. I entered cautiously, never wanting to let myself expect anything. I did not know what to expect, actually. My heart sank as I was put into a group with a bunch of people I was not familiar with. What kind of a name was “Nila Utama”? However, this was only the beginning.

The first day was well-known to be “orientation day”. We played games, was introduced to insects, pitched our tents, cooked our own dinners on the field, washed our plates and pots and slept out in the tent on hard ground. It was tough. We were all tired out by the first day. Knowing that this was merely a taste of what lay ahead of us, our spirits dipped.

On the second day, however, we were set to carry unbelievably heavy backpacks to another campsite. A snake crossed our paths and I guess that that was quite a special experience. It was a long distance away and I had the heaviest bag in the group. Worried about whether we would be able to make it to our destination, we trudged on together. These are the little things that would bring a group closer together, and although we were all about to collapse by the time we reached the next campsite, we ignored our physical exhaustion and continued on to our next activity, which was the high elements course.

The sun bore down hard, and I could feel it frying my skin, but we still had to gather as a group under it. Listening to every single intruction our instructors had to offer, we once again worked together as a group to complete the intimidating high elements courses.

Through the high elements course, I learned the importance of trust. Without trust, I would have never been able to rely on the belay system to keep my safe. Without trust, my partner would never have trusted me enough to push herself further and place her bets on my ability to climb up by myself so that she would let me push her up first.

After all that, we still had to pitch our tents in semi-darkness before finally being allowed to eat dinner. We then got briefed and only got to bathe and sleep really late into the night. We pitched our tents quite far from the camp and trudging into the forest at night was really frightening. The tents were pitched on sloping grounds over roots and rocks which caused my back and tailbone pains in the morning. Every morning we would wake up way before dawn to unpitch our tents and make our way to another campsite.

On the third day, we learned how to kayak. The weather was bad, and it even rained down heavily on us while we made our way to camp 3. My partner and I had a faulty kayak but we overcame it through sheer determination, and found ways to move forward. Against the wind, weather, tide and current, it was not easy at all to make our way as such a big group to camp 3 together, but we did it.

Upon reaching camp 3, we saw that it was.. Just an island. There was not a single establishment or toilet there. We could not bathe, my toenail was coming out, I felt horribly itchy, my rashes were greatly agitated and caused me pain, my hair was icky and my friends around me were reduced to tears and required encouragement. I slept in my swimming costume which was full of sand and salt, and was fortunately or unfortunately constipated and dehydrated, so much so that I could not pee. I spent most of the next day in my swimming costume as well.

Waking up, we received news that our bags had been infested by ants. On top of that, we were one of the last groups to leave. We had to clean up the designated “toilet area” for others, when none of my group members had visited the toilet at all. We used sticks and branches to pick up the dirty toilet paper which was left all around. We were stepping on pee and the stench was unbearable. The toilet papers had poo on it and we had to pick literally bloody pads, which were flung deeper into the forest, up. The rubbish bag was now our responsibility to carry to our first campsite, which was a very long distance away, and we would already be carrying massive backpacks and tents.

We finally moved on, only to stop at another ant-infested area to meet up with the rest of our mobile for a competition. We had 3 guide members in our group and thus were one of the most successful group in building the raft. We all worked together and it was a bonding experience. After that, we got to jump into the quarry! It lasted for only 10 minutes but it still proved to be an amazing experience. The water was so clean compared to the sea and feeling all sticky and gross before that, we felt thoroughly rinsed. My hair became alot cleaner and the stickiness was alleviated. After that however, we were greeted again by yet another ant-infestation. Oh joy.

We then got briefed and set off about an hour later than the rest of our mobile. This worried us, but we were used to always being scheduled as the last group to leave. It was a painful experience, but a memorable one. It was horrible in the sense that it hurt our physical bodies so much. We tried to sing to distract ourselves from our exhaustion, but could not bring ourselves to anymore halfway through the hike. Nevertheless, we continued on with our journey. It was not easy, but we managed to navigate correctly and soon caught up with the other groups. This was a pleasant surprise as it meant that we were travelling on efficiently.

Finally, we made it to the camp, only 15 minutes past our goal of reaching at 5.30pm. After this we had a celebration dinner where everyone was in high spirits. It was our last night and the bond we formed as a group was at its peak. We had tons of fun and cooked really good food with what we were given. We then washed the pans and pans up before finally pitching our tents, once again, in the dark. We did not want to sleep, and were up chatting for at least an hour.

We were required to wake up at 5 in the morning for a special activity, but we ended up waking late, and thus had no time for it. After tediously tying up all the loose ends, we sat down as a group to reflect on our journey, all the new friends we made and how close we had gotten as a group. We whined about missing our instructors, who had been there for and with us through our experience. We played games such as trust activities to end our journey.

It had been such a wonderful bittersweet adventure. I will never forget this experience, and the people I spent it with. OBS really changed my view on a lot of things, and made me a better person.

I’m tired. Screwed up my amath test so badly. Ahh I pray I pass, for all my tests! Gotta do some work, but I’m sleepy. Should I take a nap? Hmm. Yes I shall. Then I shall do math and study chem! Okay yup, ciao.

Please god. Help me to hold on. I need her.. Them both. Please help me to hold on. Please.

Don’t you love being reunited with the ones you love ;) it’s better if you were never separated in the first place (duh) but I’ll keep waiting, til we meet again, and I won’t let go of us.

I think I’m going to cut my hair after Chinese new year. Side fringe. Idk if I’m going to regret it (I hope not) but I’m neither here nor there now so I shall go with the ever-so-safe side fringe ;) and then I don’t want it to be any shorter, so I shall only layer my hair ;) but idk. This is cause my hair is in such a transition stage that it’s easier to be cut than for it to grow ever-so-slowly. So… It’s mainly for obs. Except that I’ve forgotten the instructions for a nice side fringe. I never did it right though… Hmm. Okay I shall try. Bye.

Stop wasting your days away, aerin. Wasting time, wasting lives, wasting blessings.. What are you?! A failure?! Yes you are. And you suck. I have no control over you. You don’t have any self-discipline whatsoever. Broken promises, hateful actions. Lazing around, being unproductive. You never learn! You’d better buck up, and don’t be so dependent. “Do your best”. Are you? Not at all! Not even one single teeny weeny bit. You’re not trying, not learning, and not working. You’re such a disappointment. Bye bye.

Omgosh I’m soo sleepy/tired. Always.. After drama. Why?! Haha thanks god for letting me remember my lines! I love you <3

Anyway, math test tomorrow. I should practise… Eep! I’ll be praying. I’m so demanding and greedy oh my gosh.